i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
