i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
