1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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