No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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