Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
