dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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