this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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