im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
