anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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