WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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