I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
