The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
