just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
