matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
