Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
