I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
