Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
