i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
