Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
