Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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