Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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