I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
