No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
