Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it hurts more in the daytime
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize