I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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