She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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