The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
