In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry about my life...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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