Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
