my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think my moral compass just broke
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