i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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