some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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