I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
