Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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