mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
