I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
