No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
