he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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