I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
