there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
