I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
