just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
