haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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