one two three fourrrrnication!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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