Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
