Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
