i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
