Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
