Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
