Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
