Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
