The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
