dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
