Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
