I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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