I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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