she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
