I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
