Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
