Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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