Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
