I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
