I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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