How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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