maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
