Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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