i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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